Helena1977's Journals

I'm back bitches x]

Yeah yeah yeah I know, its been a while but I actually have a life now *sarcastic smile* But I miss all of you so fucking talk to me! Jesus alot has gone on but shit happens. So I'll be on alot more now. Have fun and I love you all <3 Shauna.

Mhmmm.

Whispers In The Dark - Skillet Despite the lies that you're making Your love is mine for the taking My love is Just waiting To turn your tears to roses I will be the one that's gonna hold you I will be the one that you run to My love is A burning, consuming fire [Chorus:] No You'll never be alone When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars Hear my whispers in the dark No You'll never be alone When darkness comes you know I'm never far Hear my whispers in the dark Whispers in the dark You feel so lonely and ragged You lay here broken and naked My love is Just waiting To clothe you in crimson roses I will be the one that's gonna find you I will be the one that's gonna guide you My love is A burning, consuming fire [Chorus x 2] Whispers in the dark Whispers in the dark My favorite song in the whole world....

I have to fucking vent.

Okay- So I'm finally fucking the happiest I have EVER been. Why does someone always have to break balls? I love Dylan Justice Kidd with all my life, soul, and heart. NO ONE I repeat, NO ONE Is going to tear us apart. Just the way he says I love you... I know he means it. The way he holds me... And even kisses me... Dylan means it. I know he wants this just as bad as I do. I trust him whole heartedly. I mean... I know its sooo cliche to be worrying about my boyfriend and blah blah blah... But hes the one person I trust. That makes me happy. That knows how to cheer me up and make me laugh when I need it. He is "My knight is black armor who rode up on a black horse and stole my soul." It is forever his. ♥ *sighs* I don't know... This world couldn't get anymore fucked up. Losing two close friends to murder and suicide... ? Whats this world coming to? Can anyone answer that? NO I just know that the people/person who makes me happy the most are in my life... And I would never EVER Have it any other way. At all. Its all I ever wanted... To be happy. And I am. He is too. So I guess this venting thing does help... And if you've read all this........ ------------------------------------------------ I thank you so much for giving shit and listening to me. I'm really happy right now... For once... And I have a feeling it won't end here... I have so many great people in my life and by my side... To help me through all of this and keep me going. I love them ♥ They are my life Dylan♥ Jo Izzy Tyler M. Joycee (you rock!) Kodi Alyssa You know who you are... Even if you never read this... Thanks. You're the reason I'm still going. But *sighs* I'll cut myself off now. *laughs* -Shauna

To Jayden x]

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY! Yeah I won't be home on your birthday so heres an early birthday wish ;] Much ♥ Shauna

................

Am I what you want?

Or is it her?

I try so hard but I can't be perfect.

My heart torn from my chest.

Bleeding can't be stopped.

I'm not like her.

I can't be her.

I can't be like her.

I'm sorry I can't make you happy.

I'm sorry its her you want.

I'm sorry its her you miss.

I'm just in the way of the perfect life you miss.

Its not fair to lead me on like this.

Just let me down and let me go.

Before I get too far into this abyss.

Push me down and walk away.

I know you think about it each and everyday.

I gave you my heart.

I gave you my soul.

You just happen to be the one whos in control.

I can't be her.

I can only be me.

So open your eyes to only see,

That its me here in front of you.

This is where I stand.

I can let go.

Or stand here to hold your hand.

To guide you through the dark.

The path that leads us along.

The light in my heart.

My very favorite song.

That is you.

This is how I feel.

My feelings are so strong.

I wonder if they're even real.

You're my baby.

The one who keeps me alive.

The one who makes me smile.

And even makes me cry.

Tears of joy.

Or tears of pain.

Just fuck it cause its all the same.

I can't live without you.

You're my breath.

The blood flowing through my body.

I'm not ready to take my last breath.

I can make you happy.

I can be there.

I'm just not perfect like (no names)

Was she ever there?
Ever there to hold you when you were down.

Wiped away your tears when you frowned?

Gave you words of encouragement,

To help you when no one was around?

I just want you to open your eyes and see.

I want you to love ME.

I love you with all my heart.

I'll never leave you with a broken heart.

You said never break a promise,

And I promise you I won't.
I promise not to leave you.

I promise not to choke on these words that have plauged me for so long.

These thoughts of despair that have torn me to shreds.

Soon there won't be much left.

I hope you realize,

What this does to me.

It kills me.

And you're the only one who doesn't see.

So open your eyes,

This shouldn't come as a suprise.

I need you to love me or leave.

Cause i'm ready to cease.

Not to a certain person *shrugs*...

Myspace.

http://www.myspace.com/xnofuckingwayx

Mhmmm.

I'm just here for your use, whenever you want something, I'm there to do it for you. I'm in the way and a waste of time. I have no purpose for being here on this planet. I walk alone, theres no one by my side. Theres no one there to hold my hand when I decide to cry. Pull the world over my eyes and make me feel secure. I tried, I tried my hardest over and over again only to become hurt once more. Turn your back like you always do and make me feel so insecure. This weight holding me down is afraid to let me up. Pulling me away from everything around me. I push you away only to save you. I never wanted you to get this close. It hurts more the longer it lasts. I'm just a shadow following you around, not even worth enough to speak up about. I'm only human, I have feelings too, if I'm so easy to forget about, lets see me forget about you.

Whatever...

Asking myself Should I go, or wait for you to? My sanity is gone. Thanks to you I have no heart. I gave it away. Gave it to you. This isn't fair. How fucking could you? You promised me and gave me your word. I put on this fake smile, just to make it work. Cause without you, I'd be no one. I'd be as empty as your heart. You... The one I trusted. The one I needed. The one who turned me into The cold hearted bitch I am. So make your choice. This isn't very fair. Sitting here with this razor in my hand. This is what you've done. Only I can see. Cause you'll never open yor eyes. You're too blind to see. Whats standing right in front of you. You wouldn't know If I cramed it down your throat. Get out of my life, or make your place. Cause this is the last time you get away with it. I won't play your games Then have you expect me to stay. I know...it makes no sense but it just came out so deal with it. Have a nice fucking day.

Owie...

I just pierced my ears myself. Now I have two holes but god damn, that shit hurt. My right one is kinda swollen and stuff, hopefully it doesn't get infected....owch *touches ear* ow.

THE BLACK PARADE!

LETS ALL SUPPORT OUR BOYS IN THE RELEASE OF THE BLACK PARADE TOMORROW! DON'T FORGET TO WEAR ALL BLACK! SHOW THE BOYS SOME LOVE!

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!